Very, very demanding. When not in bedwith him, I always feel under pressure to fulfil that role. I feel onlyat ease when he fucks me, and when I does, he fucks me senseless. Fromone extreme into the other. The relaxed middle-ground that I inhabitedas a man for most of the time is gone.I suppose it isn't completely inaccessible for womankind in general. Buteven given that they can enter it, e.g. when home alone, there is muchless room for it in their lives. In mine, there was none at all. Butthat was intentional. Part of my conditioning, so in addition to myaddiction to his sexual favours I also needed him as a retreat from allthese pressures and expectations. And I direly needed to unwind fromtime to time.Take for instance the issue of the male gaze. Being a sex object, Iattracted it and was no longer the one gazing, I was its passivereceiver. That also meant I had no power, it would happen to me whetheror not I wanted it. There was no way to stop it if I wasn't in the moodor had. Her breasts felt so very nice and soft on my chest. As we separated from each other I said, “Mom, I am so in love with you. You’d better get out before I decide to tear the rest of your swimsuit right off your body, OK?”I was so very horny from my own mother and that was so wrong.Moving off me, showing her breasts, “Oooh, Loverboy—Sarah might get jealous. She and I are becoming closer than I ever expected to be with another woman.”“Use protection Mom,” I said sporting a nice big smile, along with a very hard erection pointing up out of the tub, expanding my suit to nearly it’s breaking point.Seeing this happen, she said, “We do,” very quietly.No doubt, this was all part of her plan for being sure that I saw her topless before I would see Sarah.She had gotten out, drying off her face and boobs to give me a nice show case. I was hesitating getting out and said, “Thank you ... for that, Mommy.”She finished drying herself, very slowly, and I quickly transitioned to a cold shower, hoping.
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